The Benefit of Doubt isn’t about Her

People say I always give her the benefit of doubt. And maybe they’re right. Maybe I do. But sometimes, when I sit with my thoughts, I wonder if it’s less about her and more about me.

I don’t think she was ever really wrong. Maybe she was just being herself. Maybe she never meant half the things I thought she meant. Maybe I read too much into her words, her pauses, her silences. Maybe I picked up on signals that weren’t even there.

It’s possible that I was just another person in her world. One of many. But in my head, I made it bigger. I gave it more weight. I assigned meaning where there was probably none. And then when people ask me why I don’t stop talking to her, why I don’t distance myself, I don’t know what to say. Because it’s not really about caring for her. It’s about me.

That’s just who I am. I don’t like cutting people off. I don’t like holding grudges. I can’t bring myself to treat someone coldly, even when it feels easier to do so. It’s not because I’m clinging. It’s not because I expect something in return. It’s just that I’m built this way. I care too much. I think too much. I feel too much. Everything with me is always a little too much.

And that’s where the problem starts. When you feel deeply, even the smallest things echo in your mind. A word lingers longer than it should. A gesture feels bigger than it was. A silence feels like a wall. And suddenly, you’re carrying weight that was never really yours to carry.

So, I’ve learned to pull myself back. Not from people entirely, but from the act of attaching too strongly. I’ve learned that I don’t need to get involved in everything, or tie myself emotionally to every little connection. It’s not easy, but it’s a way of protecting myself.

I know some would say I should change. Be less intense. Care less. But the truth is—I don’t want to change. This is me. Flawed, complicated, overthinking, over-caring me. And maybe that makes life harder sometimes. Maybe it makes relationships feel heavier than they should. But it also makes me real.

So yes, I give her the benefit of doubt. Not because she deserves it every time, but because that’s how my heart works. And maybe, at the end of the day, that’s enough.