I’ve often been told that boys and girls can be the best of friends. I’ve seen people proudly declare, “She’s my girl best friend” or “He’s my boy best friend,” as if that title in itself is a badge of purity, trust, and balance. But every time I come across these stories, something inside me resists believing it.
It’s not that I’m cynical about relationships or friendships. It’s just that, from where I stand, the line between a friendship and something more always feels too thin, too fragile. At some point, one of them either feels more than the other, or the person who is truly in a relationship with one of them begins to feel uncomfortable with the closeness. And then? Something breaks. Sometimes the friendship, sometimes the love, sometimes both.
I’ve seen it happen in different ways. A girl who swears by her “guy best friend” ends up choosing between her boyfriend and her best friend when things get serious. A boy who promises his girlfriend that his friendship with another girl is “just pure” eventually faces endless doubts, late-night arguments, and unspoken jealousy. And more often than not, the bond that was once claimed to be unshakable begins to crumble under the weight of realities that neither of them considered.
It makes me wonder: why do we try so hard to stretch friendship into spaces where it may not be meant to exist? Why do we convince ourselves that we can balance the comfort of a “best friend” of the opposite gender with the emotional depth that love demands from us?
To me, the purest form of a relationship is when two people who love each other are also each other’s best friends. That is when no one else needs to step in and play that role. Because when your partner becomes your confidant, your safe place, your laughter, your go-to person for both 2 AM tears and 2 PM jokes, then the idea of needing a “best friend” outside that space feels unnecessary. It’s not about isolating yourself or cutting off the world—it’s about the kind of completeness you find in each other when friendship and love are not two separate compartments but one seamless flow.
I believe that when you truly share that depth with someone you love, the friendship doesn’t just sit beside the relationship—it becomes the heart of it. There is no split, no “this is what I share with my friend, and this is what I share with my partner.” There’s just one person who sees it all, who shares it all. And in that space, no one else feels left out, no one else feels threatened, no one else needs to question their place in your life.
I know people might argue with me. They’ll tell me stories of lifelong friendships that never crossed the line, of marriages where “the best friend” stood as a pillar, not a threat. And maybe those stories exist. Maybe they’re even real. But I can’t shake my own belief—that when it comes to boys and girls being “just friends,” something eventually shifts. It may take months, or years, or even decades, but at some point, the balance tips.
So I hold onto this thought: if you are lucky enough to find a partner who is also your truest friend, then that is enough. More than enough. Because the friendship that survives inside love is stronger, safer, and more complete than any “best friend” outside it could ever be.
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